closed post: transformation sequence

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan leaves Sagramore and Laertes' rooms pleased and excited, light-headed both in the stoned way and in the literal less weight on his scalp way. He can't stop touching his new haircut, the short hairs at the back of his head, the soft, longer strands that frame his face. It's so strange—it's just hair—but it feels—he feels—it's nice.

Binghe's not in his room, but Shen Yuan takes a minute in there anyway, changing out of the robes he had on earlier and into a pair of jeans and the Naruto shirt he'd left in there at some point (he'd left it on the floor; Binghe had folded it alongside other abandoned clothes and put it away in the closet) then heads to the lounge Binghe prefers when he wants to be left alone to read but doesn't want people to forget he also exists in the Mansion. He peeks around the corner into the room and spots his beautiful head above the back of the couch. He knows Binghe knows he's coming, but the point is that he doesn't see him coming, so he relies a little more on his cultivator speed than normal and dashes over to the back of the couch, slipping his hands around Binghe's face to cover his eyes. He's reading something—Shen Yuan can't see the front of it, but it looks like a self-help book of some kind?? He'd probably be able to puzzle it out if he took a second and tried, but he's too nervous and excited to try right now.

"Hi," he says. "Hi, sweetheart. I have a surprise."

Comments

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe puts the book (7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage) to the side, already smiling. The last time Shen Yuan surprised him it was for his birthday, and he could sorely use that kind of levity. "What is it?"

[peaklordshen]

"Okay, um--" Shen Yuan bites his lip. He doesn't want Binghe's first look at him to be upside down, what if it looks weird?? "I--miscalculated a little, hang on. Can you just--keep your eyes closed for a sec, okay? Promise?"

[protagonisthalo]

"Of course." Although he is very tempted to peek, he can restrain himself for a few moments.

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan lets go of his face, kissing him on top of the head in thanks for the promise, and then vaults lightly over the couch so he's in front of him. He takes a breath, and lets it out, slow. "Um. Okay. You can look."

[protagonisthalo]

For a moment, Luo Binghe struggles to parse what he's seeing—it is like what sometimes happens in the dream world, when Shen Yuan loses focus and his forms meld into one another—but then it clicks. "You cut your hair?"

[peaklordshen]

"Yeah," says Shen Yuan. Up until right now he'd been pretty sure Binghe would like it--Sagramore had said it suited him, and Binghe was always enthusiastic, even if he just wore a new cut of shirt or something--but for the first time anxiety starts to creep in under the pleasant high. Binghe had always enjoyed playing with Shen Yuan's hair, putting it up or in braids or adorning it whenever they had dances to attend. Maybe he'll miss it?

He shifts, flushing. "We've--you know, been talking about this body, and not liking--and I thought, this is a thing I can change, to. Look less like him and more like me." He looks at Binghe uncertainly, through his eyelashes. "Do you--do you like it?"

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe reaches out a hand to touch Shen Yuan's hair, his fingertips shaking. "I can scarcely believe it."

It's common for people here to wear their hair short, but to Shen Qingqiu—to anyone from Luo Binghe's world—it would be desecration. Shen Qingqiu would loathe seeing his body used thus—short-coiffed, dressed in such scandalously casual clothing in public, in close congress with a demon. Tears slide down Luo Binghe's cheeks unbidden. "I have not words to say how I like it. It looks like you."

[peaklordshen]

"It does, right?" says Shen Yuan, relieved and pleased, and then he realizes Binghe's crying, and his whole heart melts all over the inside of his ribs. He sinks to his knees, hands coming up to cup his face, distressed. "Binghe, hey--"

[protagonisthalo]

"It at once pleases me, defies him, and restores something of yours," Luo Binghe says, his voice choked. His fingers run through the fine hair, marveling at how the cut changes Shen Yuan's face. These are still Shen Qingqiu's features—his thin lips and high cheekbones—but when Shen Yuan first arrived, he looked like Shen Qingqiu with some other essence peeking through. Now he looks like Shen Yuan, or at least a version of him, touched by a faint resemblance to someone Luo Binghe no longer wants to think about at all. "I love it."

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan smiles at him, infinitely tender, and leans into his touch, letting his eyes slip closed. Binghe's hands are so nice—his fingers so lovely and long. He gets a little lost in it, being pet like a cat, and then realizes Binghe is, like, sincere to the point of tears, here, and likes when he talks.

He blinks back to himself, opening his eyes. "I—I'm so glad. I've been thinking about it for a while, but—I think I really needed to get it into my head, all the stuff we talked about, before I could, like, take the plunge." Slightly apologetically; he could have done this months ago if he'd just believed Binghe about not caring about his body and all the ways it was 'properly' beautiful.

[protagonisthalo]

"He has been on my mind excessively of late," Luo Binghe says. He cups his palms around the back of Shen Yuan's bare neck. "Shen Qingqiu. To have you stuck in his shape... It feels like a cruel joke. As if I may never be free of him, even here." He uses his grip to gently tilt Shen Yuan's head this way and that, admiring him. "But you have taken ownership of it. No longer a timid houseguest."

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan blushes a little more under his gaze. "I—guess I have, yeah." He curls into Binghe's touch, not wanting him to stop. "I was talking to my friends about tattoos, too, the other day, but I don't think they would stick—I think the ink would just wipe off, it wouldn't have time to like, set in before this skin healed? But. Just—if I could do more, I would."

[protagonisthalo]

A tattoo is even more profane than a haircut. Luo Binghe thrills at Shen Yuan's daring. He has been mourning his boyfriend's first death since that fraught moment in the dream realm. To see him refuse to have Shen Qingqiu's appearance imposed upon him, to fully inhabit the body and change it how he likes, is intensely moving. And knowing how much Shen Qingqiu would hate it is intensely attractive. Luo Binghe's tear-stained cheeks flush warm. "Such boldness suits you," he says, before leaning in to kiss him open-mouthed.

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan kisses him back, gladly, eagerly. The first time he'd made out with Binghe while stoned he'd been in such a tortured rush, certain this was his only chance. Now he can take his time, really feel everything. And he is feeling everything, startlingly present in his body (his body). He explores Binghe's mouth with his tongue, the perfect line of his teeth, the delicate point of one fang, cupping his jaw in both hands.

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe moans into the kiss, then breaks off to kiss the corner of Shen Yuan's mouth, the curve of his jaw, the place right behind his ear. "What tattoo would you get?" he murmurs, nosing at the bare skin revealed by the haircut.

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan shivers, and then his face immediately gets prickly-hot at the question. "I don't know," he lies, and then relents. "I—in my first life, I, um. Had some ideas. But I don't know if I would get the same thing here, or—"

[protagonisthalo]

"Tell me." Luo Binghe presses a kiss to the join of his neck and shoulder.

[peaklordshen]

Even stoned, Shen Yuan isn't sure he could say it aloud. Instead he keeps Binghe close with one hand tangled in his robes and slides his other thumb deliberately over the demon mark on his forehead.

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe's eyes go wide. He exhales a stunned breath. "My sigil?" Such a sign of commitment—of possession—flattens him. "Where?"

[peaklordshen]

"My arm, probably," says Shen Yuan, which isn't a very sexy answer, but it's the truth. "Like-bicep. That was when I thought I was straight, though, and just thought I thought you were, like. Cool. If I'd known I—you know. Felt, um, the way I feel. I might've gotten it somewhere else."

[protagonisthalo]

"Beloved," Luo Binghe says, his eyes going wet and glossy again. He breathes shakily, tugging gently at Shen Yuan's short hair. "I... I have always thought myself cursed, unloved by the heavens. To have met you, across four different worlds... It is such a gift that I cannot believe I am allowed it."

[peaklordshen]

"Believe it,"¹ says Shen Yuan, and kisses him again.

¹ Naruto shirt and all...

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe melts into the kiss, tugging at Shen Yuan to encourage him up into his lap.

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan goes, with the same ease and eagerness from earlier. His hands slide into Binghe's beautiful, luxurious hair, scraping over his scalp.

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe wraps his arms fully around Shen Yuan, burying his face in his neck. He fed Claudius his blood parasites because he feared that someone he trusted with such vulnerable feelings would hold too much power over him. It is laughable, now, that he thought to avoid it; the hold Shen Yuan has over him, the amount of power stored in his tall, slender body, is far more terrifying. He would let Shen Yuan do anything to him. He has even let others hurt him without consequences for Shen Yuan's benefit. No matter how fond of him Shen Yuan is, it is hard to believe he could possibly love Luo Binghe with the same consuming intensity. And yet the fear doesn't stop Luo Binghe—he only sinks deeper and deeper into the reverie.

Because no matter how much he must change to be with Shen Yuan, it is better than the alternative. Luo Binghe does not want to think about what he would be without him—and thinking it makes him remember Shen Yuan's disciple, the Binghe who had Shen Yuan all along, which means that Luo Binghe is already the version of himself that he would become without Shen Yuan. Already the tragic, damaged Luo Binghe, the monstrous figure that Shen Yuan's disciple would envision with pity.

Tears threaten again, the tip of his nose going hot. He casts around for a different subject, his fingers still feeling out the shape of Shen Yuan's haircut.

"Who helped you cut it? Magnus?"

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan nods, and feels only the slightest twinge of guilt about it. "He and Alex cut each other's," he says, which has the benefit of being true. "It's funny--I feel so light." He bites his lip. "Maybe also because, um, I took some of that drug again. Weed. Not as much, and not for the same reason--just to relax. So I'm a little." He squirms in Binghe's lap, not in a sexy way, just to let him know he's not totally sober.

[protagonisthalo]

"Oh?" Luo Binghe perks up. "The last time you took it, you were very... free with your desires."

[peaklordshen]

Humiliatingly so, says something in the back of Shen Yuan's brain, but he ignores it. "Yeah," he says. "I wanted to cut my hair. I wanted to come here and show you." He meets Binghe's eyes, only a little shyly. "I wanted to see what you would do with me, like this."

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe does not need any more prompting to take a beauty to bed, especially this beauty. But he lingers here a moment longer, smiling fondly at Shen Yuan. "Perhaps we could take some together sometime. We'll see what desires I might like fulfilled."

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan blinks, momentarily stunned by the prospect of Luo Binghe On Weed. It somehow never occurred to him that he would be interested—he doesn't really like drinking, at least not to be drunk. But as he'd just established with Sagramore, being drunk and being stoned are pretty different. He tugs at Binghe's hair fondly. "Anytime," he says. "Though it's not as if you need help in that department."

[protagonisthalo]

"Mm. Even the greatest master should cultivate the humble mindset of a student," Luo Binghe says with a teasing glint. He kisses the side of Shen Yuan's head. He has been so raw since Sagramore renounced him; the pain of it has lodged deeper than he'd like, impossible to root out even when he is with those he loves most. In a moment, he will scoop Shen Yuan up in his arms and carry him to bed, but first he says—mostly to hear it back—"I love you desperately."

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan's heart is warm, warm, warm. "I know," he says softly, cupping Binghe's face in his hands. "It's such a gift, to be loved like this. The best—the most amazing gift I've ever gotten." It's insane, actually, to know that Binghe loves him, and has never loved anyone the way he loves him—that as much as they play at being husband and wife in bed, Shen Yuan is different from his wives in crucial and devastating ways. It's why he'd told Sagramore he wouldn't like to name his wife-sona something else—because making her not Shen Yuan would shift how Binghe felt about her, about him, into something less intense, less real, less beautiful. Even he were a girl, he wouldn't be Binghe's wife. He would be something Binghe's never had, the way he's never had a boyfriend before. He'd be—well, he'd be Binghe's girlfriend.

The thought makes him flush, and he kisses Binghe again so won't ask what it's about. "Love you," he mutters against his mouth. "I love you."

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe makes a pained noise. "It's only what you deserve," he says; the words are rough and difficult in his throat. He kisses Shen Yuan one more time—alright, twice more—three times—after quite a lot more kissing, he stands, picking Shen Yuan up with one arm under his knees and the other under his back. "I seem to remember last time you wished to be fully nude as I carried you to my bedchamber."

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan is pretty sure he'd never expressed any kind of wish to that effect,¹ but he's also pretty dazed by Binghe kisses and being manhandled and the remains of weed, so he just nuzzles his face into Binghe's throat and protests, "don't tease."

¹ He did.

[protagonisthalo]

"But my love, you make it so easy."

[peaklordshen]

"I do not," protests Shen Yuan, and resists the urge to kick his feet around—it would definitely undermine his point.

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe kisses the top of his head, and carries him off to bed.