semi-open post: portraiture

[peaklordshen]

After shifting his way through oil pastels, watercolors, house paint, colored pencils, and an endless variety of paint markers, Shen Yuan has finally managed to get the Mansion to produce a decent set of oil paints, and—wonder of wonders—an easel. He's set up in a spacious, well-lit hall, probably for dancing or salons or whatever, where he's arranged a bunch of furniture in various configurations—wooden screens that he's draped cloth¹ over for backdrops; armchairs stolen from the lounge, wooden stools and high-backed dining chairs from the kitchens; even a lovely chaise lounge in a deep purple that he wistfully thinks he won't actually use, because it would definitely be for Aleksander, and he doubts he'll be doing that entry in his protagonists of the Mansion series after all. He has one of the stools pulled up next to the easel to hold his paints, and is wearing a wide-necked sweater over a black turtleneck and some loose, worn jeans that already have a few flecks of paint on them from when he was doing his color tests.² He's pulled his hair back in a practical bun, and he's currently laying down a layer of gesso on his canvas.

¹ Look, he has to do something with all of those robes he accidentally conjured in his last post.
² After days of feeling very lost and confused about how he's not required to LARP anymore, he's pretty much decided that it actually means he can just change who he's LARPing as at will, and the main way to do this is through fashion. Today he is An Artist.

[Primarily for those Shen Yuan has offered to paint, but anyone else is also welcome to come bother him while he works.]

Comments

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan does paint in silence, for a while, but he doesn't want Aleksander to get bored> "So, um," he says. "Obviously I know some things about you, due to circumstances that neither of us would have chosen. But—if you had been free to speak about yourself, from the beginning. What would you have said?"

He means to anyone, not just himself, but Aleksander would be forgiven for thinking the latter is implied instead.

[temnota]

It was an interesting question and Aleksander considered it for a few moments before answering. "I would have admitted to being a general, talked a little bit about the border wars. As I got to know people better, I would have told them about being Grisha and shown them a little of what I could do. The rest of it... I don't know. But then again, I can still hardly believe that there isn't a need to be cautious here. My earliest memories are of running and hiding and my mother drilling me on what names we were calling ourselves this week and where we were from. We never stayed very long in any place."

[peaklordshen]

If Shen Yuan weren't in the middle of painting, and also if Aleksander didn't get overwhelmed with his spiritual energy whenever they touched, and also if he weren't vaguely trying to not make the wanting to kiss him thing happen again—okay, there are a lot of reasons he isn't going over there to take Aleksander's hand in sympathy. But he does cast him a deeply sympathetic glance. "I'm sorry. It's hard, never being able to connect with anyone, because you can't show them who you really are."

[temnota]

"For a long time, I thought that was how it had to be," Aleksander said. "Other people had friendships and connections but not me. And, you know, when people were kind to me or offered to help, I assumed they wanted something of me. Eventually I learned that wasn't always the case but the worry and distrust never really goes away."

[peaklordshen]

Man, is this guy ever going to stop reminding him of Luo Binghe?? Shen Yuan's heart can only take so much!! "My boyfriend, um, had a very similar experience, growing up. Even now he can't really accept that I'm nice to him because he just—deserves it as a person, and not because he's done something specific to earn it." He shakes his head, starting in on the shape of Aleksander's shoulders. "I think some people's worlds just have less kindness in them than they should." If he ever has the chance to meet Aleksander's author, he can file the serial names off one of his Airplane rants easily enough. What the fuck is wrong with people who make characters up just to throw endless horrors at them and give them not even a moment of rest??

[temnota]

A kinder Ravka would have made a better world for Grisha and perhaps a happier Aleksander but at what cost? The world as it was had pushed him to achieve great heights. If he had been safe and comfortable, would he have the mastery of the Small Sciences he had now? He rather thought not and he was not yet at the point to think this an acceptable trade off.

"Maybe. But it has made us who we are. For all that I don't want any other Grisha to have a childhood like mine, I can't deny I learned power and strength from persevering."

[peaklordshen]

If Shen Yuan had met Aleksander in his first life, he would have agreed with this one hundred percent. Of course the power and strength was worth it!! Of course Aleksander had to go through a terrible backstory to become the badass, sexy, morally grey antihero he was!! But--that was before the Abyss. Before he'd seen and known the lovely, bright-faced youth Luo Binghe could have been, without the abuse at Shen Qingqiu's hands, before he'd been forced to destroy that youth for Luo Binghe's Plot Necessary Character Development. Now he doesn't know what he thinks, except his mind is full of the bright youth Aleksander might have been, and he tries to see him in the man before him, tries to capture some ghost of him in the features he's painting.

But it won't do to tell Aleksander he's wrong that his trauma was worth it. He nods, instead. "It gave you a necessary armor."

[temnota]

"I had hoped to change things... but you know how well I've done at that. I still believe that it is possible, that Grisha can be safe and free from persecution but I can't help but wonder now if that cause would be better served by someone else." He started to shake his head then stopped, remembering he was serving as a model and should not be moving. "I suppose I'll never know as long as I am here."

[peaklordshen]

"Are you worried about what's happening to your people while you're here?" Shen Yuan asks. "Like, is there anyone you think might step up for the job?"

[temnota]

"I am. The situation from which the Mansion pulled me from was less than ideal," Aleksander said, grateful that there was no truth spell to compel him to be more descriptive about the details. "One of my commanders, Zoya Nazyalensky, is very capable. But my plans revolved around taking control of the Fold and Zoya, gifted Summoner that she is, is but a Squaller. Her affinity is wind and the only thing that can take the Fold down is light."

She and Alina together would be a formidable pair and if he wasn't there to crawl out of the Fold and do the things Nina had told him he'd done... it was a sobering thought.

[peaklordshen]

Now this is a Pokemon-ass magic system. "I thought, in the zombie fight, you were using shadow," says Shen Yuan. "Do you also have dominion over light?"

[temnota]

"No," Aleksander said. "That was the problem. I think I told you that I created the Shadow Fold. It was meant to be a weapon but the... methods I used to create it in the first place meant the price to be paid for such power was that I lost all control over it. Its darkness was greater than my own. A Sun Summoner would be able to pierce the darkness of the Fold so I waited for them to be born and come into their power. I waited over four hundred years. And then, as I told you, I handled her arrival very badly."

He did not mention how he'd set her tracker on the hunt for Morozova's Stag or how he had tracked her down after she had run from him, killed the Stag in front of her and forced the amplifier on her, and in so doing, was able to use her power for his own.

[peaklordshen]

Right, Shen Yuan remembers now—Aleksander had been really upset about all that during the truth spell. No need to get back into all that. "So maybe your commander will be able to work with her better," he offers, "in your absence."

[temnota]

"They had a clash during a training session. No powers are to be used during these sessions but Zoya lost control of herself." Aleksander said, frowning at the memory. "I suspect there was some... jealousy involved, unfortunately, but maybe without me in the mix, they will get along better. I don't doubt there would still be some friction but those two could change worlds."

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan nods wisely. Ah, a classic love triangle! Indeed, maybe with the removal of their protagonist, the two love interests involved could get along! It makes him wonder for the first time what's going on in Binghe's harem in his absence. Are his wives still at each others' throats? It sounds like kind of a Liu Mingyan and Sha Hualing situation—the trusted lieutenant and the powerful outsider necessary for the protagonist to complete his goals. Damn, he wishes he could read Aleksander's source material.

"I hope they can," is all he says aloud, and lets himself concentrate on getting the light right on the fall of Aleksander's hair.