Shen Qingqiu has never thought of himself as particularly brave, but he's never quite felt like this much of a coward before. He lets Luo Binghe cuddle up to him, warm and strong and perfect, brushes his beautiful hair out of his beautiful face, and wills himself to say, I don't. Wills himself to say, I did, but it wasn't really me, wills himself to say, I can't give you what you want. But—he can't. He can't, he can't bring himself to do anything that might dampen Binghe's silly, sweet mood, that might break him open like he'd broken open when Shen Qinqgiu had pushed him away after their first kiss.

He takes a long breath. He just—has to keep himself in the headspace of Gay Shen Yuan a little longer, try and remember that lightness, that freedom, try to speak of his straight self as if it's in the past. "I was just—scared. Like you said. Because—because you're a man."