interlude: dvd commentary track

Being dead, it turns out, is kind of like being underwater without ever being able to drown.

The first time he surfaces it’s in the room where it happened—the Death Room, the Anniversary Room, the Fuck Aornis Forever Room. His body—Shen Qingqiu’s body—is gone. Binghe is gone. There’s blood everywhere, and glass from the shattered chandelier, and he knows—

Fuck!!!!!! He knows fucking everything!!!!

It’s all right there, in his memory, freshly downloaded. His and Aornis’ first meeting, when she’d arrived, the barbs about Lord of the Rings. His and Aornis’ second meeting, in the library. His and Aornis’ third meeting, in the game room, where he’d briefly gotten the upper hand only for her to make him totally fuck it up again. Their fourth, at Enjolras’ meeting (that’s what else he’d done there, other than argue with Grantaire). Their fifth—

Their fifth, in the closet, where she’d told him to his face what she planned to do to Magnus, and he could do nothing about it.

Their sixth, at Dionysus’ party, smiling like a crocodile and saying, It’s good to see the two of you again, while he swore blind it was the first time.

Their seventh—

Thinking about their seventh time pulls him under again, down where it’s cold and dark and the world squeezes in on him.

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