"He would," says Laertes, with a fond roll of his eyes. It eases his heart, to know that his suspicion was correct: the play does indeed feature the courtship of his sister and Prince Hamlet. He doesn't particularly like it--the prince is a scholar more than a warrior, but still given to his father's volatile moods and sudden outbursts of violence--but at least it's a comprehensibly unpleasant fate. "Do I feature in it? I suspect not; had I not been whisked away from mine own world, I would have swiftly returned to France, and left the scene of the play entirely."