This is... a lot to take in. Specifically it's a lot to take in in a way that does not make Galahad confident that Shen Qingqiu is actually okay -- he's thinking back to the day he talked to Shen Qingqiu after meeting Lancelot, and how Shen Qingqiu said he was happy in a way that even Galahad, who generally has to take people at their word on their emotions, found unconvincing.
He wants to ask if Luo Binghe having a hundred wives makes Shen Qingqiu feel as if he's doing something wrong, because that's how he felt about Claudius: that Claudius had to sleep with other people because Galahad still freezes at the idea of anything more than kissing, because he can't do what should be expected of him. He wouldn't have been able to talk to Claudius about that if Shen Qingqiu hadn't helped him -- wouldn't have been able to be reassured, would have gone on feeling that he had failed at something fundamentally human. If Shen Qingqiu feels that way too, it's something he could explain; but the idea of explaining it right now, like this, snares the words in his throat.
He wants to ask if Shen Qingqiu feels the way he does every morning, weighted down by stone and unable to get up from his bed. He wants to asks if Shen Qingqiu gets more sad when the days get colder, whether the darkness of winter makes him want to be buried underground, under leaves and snow, and left until spring like a root. He wants to ask what Shen Qingqiu actually feels, when he's not pretending(?) to be happy. He's good at listening; he could listen.
He doesn't say anything. Magnus is good at talking, and he seems easy for Shen Qingqiu to talk to. He's easy for Galahad to talk to. Galahad waits for the two of them.
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momijizukamori
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Date: 2023-11-14 10:11 pm (UTC)He wants to ask if Luo Binghe having a hundred wives makes Shen Qingqiu feel as if he's doing something wrong, because that's how he felt about Claudius: that Claudius had to sleep with other people because Galahad still freezes at the idea of anything more than kissing, because he can't do what should be expected of him. He wouldn't have been able to talk to Claudius about that if Shen Qingqiu hadn't helped him -- wouldn't have been able to be reassured, would have gone on feeling that he had failed at something fundamentally human. If Shen Qingqiu feels that way too, it's something he could explain; but the idea of explaining it right now, like this, snares the words in his throat.
He wants to ask if Shen Qingqiu feels the way he does every morning, weighted down by stone and unable to get up from his bed. He wants to asks if Shen Qingqiu gets more sad when the days get colder, whether the darkness of winter makes him want to be buried underground, under leaves and snow, and left until spring like a root. He wants to ask what Shen Qingqiu actually feels, when he's not pretending(?) to be happy. He's good at listening; he could listen.
He doesn't say anything. Magnus is good at talking, and he seems easy for Shen Qingqiu to talk to. He's easy for Galahad to talk to. Galahad waits for the two of them.